creativity is just like sex

feed the muse week 4

dear erotic earthlings,

forcing sex sucks, and so does forcing creativity. why? because they’re the same universal life force energy — an energy that takes much more kindly to being channeled, allowed, gently molded, than it does to being denied, subverted, abused. 

let me be clear: when i say forcing, i mean using sheer willpower to reach a predetermined outcome. an outcome which may be a personal desire, sure - but not eros, Desire itself. eros, the pulse beneath everything. for example, when i began writing this letter, i tried to use my willpower to adhere to some scheme i’d plotted. but our sacred muse, eros, had something else in store for us. something far more present and pressing than what i’d dreamed up. something that was already alive and writhing through my body. 

so i listened, and now, here i am, delivering the message. as i’ve said before, how dare we deny her lessons? 

let’s think of it this way: creativity, like sex, is a power exchange — between you and eros, you and the desire coursing through you. it is an exploration of you and your boundaries. what will you let yourself think, feel, experience? how much will you open to what’s present?

often, we think we want total freedom, but that can be a bit of a nightmare, complete blankness. why do you think we developed skin? we need balance. we like a boundary to rub up against. a constraint. the feeling of limitation. something to touch. we actually really like it. it helps us realize the desire to grow. not to mention gives us something to focus on. 

to give focus to this ritual power exchange between you and eros, we’ll begin with a question: what boundaries do you place between yourself and your experience of the erotic realm? in other words, are you thinking about it or feeling it? distracting yourself from it, or allowing it to tenderise you? 

how much of your idea of who and how you should be are you willing to dissolve for the sake of Desire itself?

the man i love with all my being said power exchange is all about knowing when to let it happen, and when to make it happen. 

but before we get into that, let’s get clear on something. in the creative power exchange, you are not, as you may have been taught to believe, the dominant one; you are the submissive through and through. you are here to receive what eros gives you. at least, that’s the way i approach it, because after decades of forcing, i found surrendering to eros the most direct route to the center of things. to that deep hunger. the pulsing that gives way to longing. the open space that is always wanting to be touched. this is why we create, isn’t it? this is what drives us to do anything at all. 

as for the balance of letting it happen and making it happen: sometimes you need a bit of orchestrated momentum to get the ball rolling. like a question to tumble round in your mind, or a song to twirl the body round in. but then… let go. a body in motion stays in motion.

here’s the thing. the gateway to the realm of eros — the erotic hunger — is this. this moment. this current feeling. whatever it is you think is in the way, is actually it. the thing to pay attention to. the thing that will open up for you, move you, illuminate you. so start here, whether you like it or not. because listen, eros doesn’t care about your preferences. and so, there’s no such thing, really, as a “creative block,” and the way through resistance is not by force, but by tenderness. 

to force — to jump to the ending you imagined — is to bypass this moment. and while it may be sustainable to do that for a while — maybe even for a long time — eventually it will catch up to you and you’ll be dumbfounded. crushed by the weight of all you never felt. not to get apocalyptic or anything, except it can feel like that. a crushing weight. and that’s fine, too. nobody said you had to feel a certain perfect way to make art, or love. nobody said you had to feel a certain perfect way to connect. you just have to feel what’s here. 

am i getting repetitive? well good. it needs to be said again and again and again. and not just said, but practiced. 

thanks for reading, beauty. the rest of this post is for paid subscribers.

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