Ahhh this is multidimensional brilliance refracted and reflected. Such flow. Many lines were my favorite, although: “An outer lushness born from an inner cultivation process,” takes the cake for me 🤌🏼✨
Thank you Emma! I feel so happy hearing your reflection of my reflection 🪩🍯🐍 It was suuuuuuch a flow. One of those pieces that came out like lightning all in one go
This has stayed with me for the past few days. I can relate to the prophesying. I wrote a short story once before becoming a mother, about the precious connection between a depressive mother and her struggling son, and years later, I was in that same position. I wrote about falling in love with a younger man, and years later, it happened. Of course, I wrote my misery in journals for years before I decided to leave my marriage - that seemed more like me working up the courage to do so, rather than prophecy. But there are so many examples of how my fiction has informed my reality, in a completely unconscious way. Now that I’m conscious of it though, I wonder how to harness this power. I feel a tenuous grasp over this already, but it’s hard to articulate, the way you, so evocatively, do. Your essay’s got my mental gears churning, but I know that’s also my head’s desire to always lord it over my heart. And even if I do crack the code of manifesting my desire, I don’t think I can do that until I wholeheartedly believe that I am worthy of it. Sorry, I know I’m rambling. But your essay’s got me thinking. Oh, how I love the flair and focus of your writing!❤️
Also, so fascinating... I spent years and years working up the courage to leave a relationship, too, and also had journals full of misery. I feel like in that case, it was both prophecy and courage... There's so much nuance to this discussion, how difficult it is to leave relationships without proper support/care/energy/safety... and how tangled up that can get. There's the part where we're writing about what's happening as a way to perhaps ease and release and see the pain, but there's also the part that is attached to the pain.
Yet somehow in seeing ourselves through writing combined with our unearthed desire, we begin slowly working the courage to make the change, maybe imperceptibly, but shifting nonetheless.
So true! A much deeper discussion could be had about this, but writing really is at the core of unearthing and healing trauma, and eventually, allowing oneself to reimagine a new future.
That's the code right there sweet mama. Knowing you're worthy, no matter what thoughts might tell you you're not.
Mindset alone doesn't cut it though, and that's where I see a lot of people get tripped up, trying so hard to brain their way into a new way of being. If the body doesn't shift too, we're still living in a state of incoherence.
I think of it like acting... I also like to remember the phrase "change the body and the mind will follow."
Fiction is a great way to reveal our desires and shift perspective, but then, if we want the words to come to life, we have to physically animate the new versions of ourselves that claim our desires.
This is where a lot of pop-spirituality fails. it doesn't recognize that embodiment is 90% of the work.
It takes so long to overcome the shame that stands in the way of most people fully embodying themselves. I read this book several years ago (ordered it off Amazon on a whim, after seeing an ad for it somewhere) called “Existential Kink” which this conversation is reminding me of. It had an interesting approach to overcoming the shame of one’s deep-seated, at times regressive, desires, which was to just lean into all of it. You might like it.
I've read and used it! And it definitely is a kind of practical magic. The practice of getting off on what you fear or are ashamed of is powerful and I noticed some huge shifts in my way of being through the practices. My favorite part about it was that it was HOT and PLAYFUL, which I think sooooooo much of the self development/coaching/shadow work narrative misses. How did you feel about the book?
It’s actually been a while since I read it, but I remember being very drawn to it and feeling like it theoretically made a lot of sense. I still had too much shame, though, to actually put it into practice. I think I’m more open now and less judgmental of myself and others. It’s funny you mentioned it; I’ve also noticed energetic shifts, although I’m still struggling to articulate it all. I’m also weaning myself off anti-depressants at the same time, and raising a 13-year-old as a single, working mom, so my healing journey often feels very muddled and convoluted, until I’m able to make sense of everything through my writing. In the meantime, I’m continuing to read and enjoy your previous posts. I feel a lot of resonance with your focus on the body and harnessing our sexual/creative energy.
I love how you describe psychedelics as ‘pulling out ahead of yourself’ That was my experience too. A window not a door. Not the same as walking through life’s natural doors as they appear in your experience.
Yes, exactly! They are interesting in that they create a sense of longing, but I don't see most people being equipped to deal with the physical reality of longing once their head is no longer out the window.
Yeah…the highs were always too high and the lows too harsh/ low for me. I don’t think it’s in my constitution to handle them in this life, especially w a pisces south node😂 (south node indicates what doesn’t produce any growth for your soul)
Ahhh this is multidimensional brilliance refracted and reflected. Such flow. Many lines were my favorite, although: “An outer lushness born from an inner cultivation process,” takes the cake for me 🤌🏼✨
Thank you Emma! I feel so happy hearing your reflection of my reflection 🪩🍯🐍 It was suuuuuuch a flow. One of those pieces that came out like lightning all in one go
This has stayed with me for the past few days. I can relate to the prophesying. I wrote a short story once before becoming a mother, about the precious connection between a depressive mother and her struggling son, and years later, I was in that same position. I wrote about falling in love with a younger man, and years later, it happened. Of course, I wrote my misery in journals for years before I decided to leave my marriage - that seemed more like me working up the courage to do so, rather than prophecy. But there are so many examples of how my fiction has informed my reality, in a completely unconscious way. Now that I’m conscious of it though, I wonder how to harness this power. I feel a tenuous grasp over this already, but it’s hard to articulate, the way you, so evocatively, do. Your essay’s got my mental gears churning, but I know that’s also my head’s desire to always lord it over my heart. And even if I do crack the code of manifesting my desire, I don’t think I can do that until I wholeheartedly believe that I am worthy of it. Sorry, I know I’m rambling. But your essay’s got me thinking. Oh, how I love the flair and focus of your writing!❤️
Oh and ps, fully support the ramble.
Also, so fascinating... I spent years and years working up the courage to leave a relationship, too, and also had journals full of misery. I feel like in that case, it was both prophecy and courage... There's so much nuance to this discussion, how difficult it is to leave relationships without proper support/care/energy/safety... and how tangled up that can get. There's the part where we're writing about what's happening as a way to perhaps ease and release and see the pain, but there's also the part that is attached to the pain.
Yet somehow in seeing ourselves through writing combined with our unearthed desire, we begin slowly working the courage to make the change, maybe imperceptibly, but shifting nonetheless.
So true! A much deeper discussion could be had about this, but writing really is at the core of unearthing and healing trauma, and eventually, allowing oneself to reimagine a new future.
That's the code right there sweet mama. Knowing you're worthy, no matter what thoughts might tell you you're not.
Mindset alone doesn't cut it though, and that's where I see a lot of people get tripped up, trying so hard to brain their way into a new way of being. If the body doesn't shift too, we're still living in a state of incoherence.
I think of it like acting... I also like to remember the phrase "change the body and the mind will follow."
Fiction is a great way to reveal our desires and shift perspective, but then, if we want the words to come to life, we have to physically animate the new versions of ourselves that claim our desires.
This is where a lot of pop-spirituality fails. it doesn't recognize that embodiment is 90% of the work.
It takes so long to overcome the shame that stands in the way of most people fully embodying themselves. I read this book several years ago (ordered it off Amazon on a whim, after seeing an ad for it somewhere) called “Existential Kink” which this conversation is reminding me of. It had an interesting approach to overcoming the shame of one’s deep-seated, at times regressive, desires, which was to just lean into all of it. You might like it.
I've read and used it! And it definitely is a kind of practical magic. The practice of getting off on what you fear or are ashamed of is powerful and I noticed some huge shifts in my way of being through the practices. My favorite part about it was that it was HOT and PLAYFUL, which I think sooooooo much of the self development/coaching/shadow work narrative misses. How did you feel about the book?
It’s actually been a while since I read it, but I remember being very drawn to it and feeling like it theoretically made a lot of sense. I still had too much shame, though, to actually put it into practice. I think I’m more open now and less judgmental of myself and others. It’s funny you mentioned it; I’ve also noticed energetic shifts, although I’m still struggling to articulate it all. I’m also weaning myself off anti-depressants at the same time, and raising a 13-year-old as a single, working mom, so my healing journey often feels very muddled and convoluted, until I’m able to make sense of everything through my writing. In the meantime, I’m continuing to read and enjoy your previous posts. I feel a lot of resonance with your focus on the body and harnessing our sexual/creative energy.
That first line is chefs kiss!!!!! I can’t be myself if I’m too busy explaining 🤍
Yes! Less thinking more being 💗♥️💛
Mystical and ecstatic as always. Your writing always makes me want to roll around on the floor too 🐍
I love how you feel what I'm feeling, my fellow poetess
I love how you describe psychedelics as ‘pulling out ahead of yourself’ That was my experience too. A window not a door. Not the same as walking through life’s natural doors as they appear in your experience.
Yes, exactly! They are interesting in that they create a sense of longing, but I don't see most people being equipped to deal with the physical reality of longing once their head is no longer out the window.
Yeah…the highs were always too high and the lows too harsh/ low for me. I don’t think it’s in my constitution to handle them in this life, especially w a pisces south node😂 (south node indicates what doesn’t produce any growth for your soul)