You can’t have one without the other. Experience is binary; a spectrum we move through.
Satisfaction/frustration
Pain/pleasure
Expansion/contraction
Opening/closing
Fucking… what’s on the other side of fucking? Nothing? When two become one. Union of the spectrum. Absorption. Allowance. Everything and nothing all at once. Fill me with emptiness and I become everything. Spacious awareness. Space for what is happening.
Fucking is a way of moving from nothing to something. 0 to 1. Binary. Creating something from nothing. Got it. Thanks, God.
Oh yeah, we’re going there today.
Back to the spectrum. It’s important to remember we’re always oscillating. Rippling consciousness through the many facets of pleasure and pain.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Have you heard that?
Tonight I am grateful to have noticed how I was subtly gripping at experience. Noticed the expectation that today would be like yesterday. Frustration is my indication; She arises in that form when I cling to expectations. I forgive myself - yesterday was full of ohsomuchjuiciness that of course I wanted more of it. That’s the pain of pleasure. It’s not wrong, just information. A way of strengthening awareness - experiencing difference.
No wonder today didn’t feel like a lightning strike pleasure revelation - everything happens in context. And - scientifically, what feels satisfying feels satisfying in comparison to recent experience.
So, let me give you the context. Why did today’s fucking feel frustrating?
Yesterday I noticed for the first time God penetrating my body, and at once what had always been concept became embodied. A new reality entered, or rather, I entered a new dimension. Awareness shifted. I integrated God into my body swiftly, being now utterly convicted of myself as the pulsation of Divine consciousness. Creativity animate. Kundalini rising through my blue sky mind and back through the caverns of my openings.
Here’s a recap of yesterday’s climax: