Fuck You, I Love You

the maddening and wonderful paradox

For Luke, who loves the paradox, too.

Fuck you. I love you.
Fuck you, please fuck me.
Fuck you, stay longer.
Fuck, struggle with me.
I just want
to share everything
I can’t articulate.

Silence, I have none.
Quiet resounding.
Stillness still moves me.
Freedom is frightening.

Fuck, let me love you
tenderly, softly.
Ravenous beast,
you see what I can’t see.

Sometimes, see for me.

Monsters and demons,
all this inside me,
not only sweet
as I once thought I ought be.
Sometimes, 
in heat, 
a feral beast.
You see me.

I wonder what you see.

Could it be ugly?
Would you still want me,
gnarled and clawing and 
wanting and screaming?

What does ugly mean?

Would you scream with me?
Overwhelm me?
Love me dangerously?

I ask questions
you’ve already answered
with actions.

A word search
for what I’ve felt you articulate
with your hand inside me.