how wanting breathes

let yourself in on the secret

tongues of flame / watercolor painting by me

what i’m saying is: i get it

the way you believe you must repeat and repeat and

repeat

the same things and the same things and the same things

in order to get…

what is it?

your mind never sees but you know, beneath;

there is a feeling.

surrender.

what if you did?

what if you released the expectation of who you must be?

what if you opened?

what if you let yourself in on the secret,

suspended thought for one breath,

one moment.

what if something else could be?

at the gym, i play on fake grass and make strange shapes with my body,
shapes that feel good and right and open in all directions
shapes that pull energy in and in and in until i am
upside down
electric beams sent into the floor and into the ceiling;
suspended in the tension between,
floating,
i am light as a levitating feather
and i see.

i see as metal clanks and teeth grind and sweat drips
and they think and they think and they think if only…

i had that ass and those abs then,
maybe,
maybe,
i could be happy.

but that’s not it.

you want something different
— you want to feel
how wanting breathes.

thank you for reading erotic soul…
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