bulking season?

it's okay to stop shrinking. I promise

hi, it’s me!

I know, I know. Everyone’s getting shredded for summer and here I am like… okay, time to pack on the muscle. Idk though. I spent my whole life absolutely petrified of the idea of gaining weight. And to do it on purpose?! Are you fucking kidding me?

It’s literally taken me six years to break down my mental barriers and ACCEPT the pure science of muscle building. Muscle needs CALORIES. Who knew?! I mean it’s obvious when you look at the mechanics of what’s going on. You’re literally synthesizing new muscle tissue and how could you possibly do that if you’re just barely eating enough calories so your organs can function and you can get in your 10k steps a day (which I do, btw) and you can somehow also workout 4x a week.

To be honest I knew what I was doing but like I said, I was terrified. Ever since I was a little girl in the 90s the narrative was, essentially, be thin and you’ll be loved. But was I really loving myself by not giving myself the nourishment I need to achieve all my goals?

the starting point

There is a miles deep laundry list of projects I started and didn’t have the energy to finish, foolish things I did in pursuit of making sense of stuff that inherently didn’t make sense, tens of thousand of dollars spent on coaches and books and supplements and other useless shit again, in the pursuit of making sense of the nonsensical.

Beneath it all I just wanted to feel strong and powerful and good and confident in myself and my body and my ability to achieve literally any goal.

Makes sense then (woah, something that makes sense!) that I’m now entering muscle mommy territory.

After too many failed attempts at becoming shredded due to my literal inability to maintain focus and energy toward my goal… this time, I’m locked the fuck in.

I’ve read and listened to too much science to deny it any more. Starving myself in a socially acceptable way does not a gym rat make, no matter how much time I was spending at the gym.

So from here on out, the goal is to train hard, eat well, rest well, and get jacked. And also get better at writing a blog since if you’ve somehow landed here, I’d love it if you stuck around a while.

Classic British scones for father’s day

P.S. I am super nostalgic for the blogs of the golden age, when everyone was taking shitty photos and just blabbing about their days. I’m gonna weekly 1 for self-accountability and 2 for evidence that I’m transforming since it really is hard to believe sometimes. Documentation is magic like that.

I may or may not share progress pics (probably yes) and will definitely share recipes, meal ideas, and training reflections just in case you’re tryna become a muscle mommy too. If you are, please say hi! I need some fitness friends for real for real.

Okay. That’s it for the (re)intro. Love you! Bye!