This cool, relaxed looking guy came up to me at the gym just as my feet had landed back on the earth, my face bright red and blood flushed from being upside down. As soon as I met his eyes he asked, “what are you training for?”
At first I turned on my watch it buddy, she’s a bitch energy field, because guys keep asking me out at the gym and they are all 20 years old or 70 years old. And he was definitely 20, but he actually seemed curious, so I sighed, “for fun.”
This news startled our young gentleman caller.
“Wait so you’re out here doing handstands and acrobat shit just for fun? Nahhh.”
I thought the “nahhhh” meant he didn’t believe me, but he informed me he meant, “super cool, well done.”
Phew. My inner judgy bitch was about to have her way with me. I gave her a deep breath and a squeeze on the shoulders and she calmed tf down.
Cool guy and I chatted for a few minutes, mostly consisting of him wondering why I wasn’t tiktok famous, while I remained at a loss for explanations. I’m just weird like this, okay? Like even and especially while nobody is watching.
“There’s a community for everything,” is what he told me before he initiated some secret handshake that was way too cool for me but alas, I executed perfectly, as if I had always been part of this club.
The point of this post is this: I realize a lot of people are at the gym to train for a specific thing or a specific look. I have done those things, too. But it is never enough for me… because it is not what I actually care about. Sometimes you need external motivators to get your engine purring, but that is a whole different thread to follow, one we will follow one day, but for now, back to the original plot.
My body. I mean, training.
Right. The reason I train my body is not to reach an end goal or satisfy some external standard, but because I am endlessly curious about what my body can do and feel and create. And I am curious about power and strength and all the ways I can wield it with my whole Self, my whole Being. I desire to be immersed as much as possible in the the physical, the sensual, the squeezable, chewable, pleasurable, painful, et cetera to infinity experiences of life.
I want to play my body — my instrument — masterfully. And while, yes, I obviously love all things erotic in the realm of the lover, honestly doing squats is erotic for me, too. Just be with it for a sec… how good it could feel to have every muscle fiber of your ass lit up, your hips, your spine, you chest. To be breathing deep and heavy and sweaty, filling yourself, allowing yourself to be hungry for oxygen, hungry to feel your power, hungry to reveal your power to yourself. Your power. Your eros. Whew, I am feeling feelings just writing about it.
So. While I said “fun” to be succinct and not immediately pour my lore and philosophy to a stranger, it is more than “fun” I train for. It is because as an erotic enchantress, these lessons are required. Dancing and handstands and balancing and all the seemingly (but not actually) random skills and practices I have acquired over the years are because there is some part of my erotic body, some aspect of my dark forest psyche, some quality of being and expressing and feeling, that I want to connect with. Lucky for all of us, these things are inextricably linked.
The single lesson eros has delivered me time and time again is that you cannot separate any part of an organism from its transformation.
The mind will try, but if the body is already in the process of transformation, the mind will, eventually follow. (note to self: another thread to follow up on).
The erotic process requires hard work, discomfort, ego dissolution, shame, humiliation, and falling down a lot. It is also fun. And satiating. And engaging. And full of joy and discovery and a sense of connection to the parts of me that desire to be expressed and seen and felt.
Speaking of parts. Is it the attention whore in me that insists on handstanding in the middle of the gym floor where everyone can see? I mean it is the only place that doesn’t have large pieces of metal equipment covering it so from a pragmatic stance, it is really the only place. AND… yes. The attention whore lovessssss it.
My sweet sweet teenage attention whore, whom I do so love, could go on and on and oe forever about how amazing she is and how much she knows and how much you should pay attention to me (her) right now but I (Faye the Woman) feel the message of this entry has made itself clear.
Farewell, erotic creatures. I pray you enjoy yourself today.
xx faye
Thank you for reading serpentine spine, sanctuary of riddles, poetry, secrets whispered into wanting ears, grazes of silk upon skin, journeys into the mystery, desire awakening, life giving transmissions.
If you enjoyed what you read, there are a few ways to let me know… ♥️ this post, share it, leave a comment, buy me a coffee, or upgrade to a paid subscription.
Current benefits for paid subscribers include members only writings, and members only chat + Q&A sessions