self portrait

(everything)

never really went to sleep
woke up undulating legs in sheets
longing. longing. an echo of a wrecking ball
dissolves into lily of the valley and fresh bloomed
iris’ translucent skin and sentences that run away
and sentences i can’t finish and this pulsing.
this pulsing.

i remember dahlias in california and a man who
promised everything and a mattress on
the floor of a borrowed apartment and a plane ticket
home, i woke in the middle of the night to purchase.

i still miss the dahlias.
and more, the camera
thick and heavy in my grip as i took
self portraits of everything that
smiled at me.

been feeling a sense of innocence.
grief swept her fingers beneath my ribs,
pulled fog from the space between.
returned to me everything. devotion.

seen six spiders in three days. drew one
in a notebook last week. i believe
in the unseen. maybe that’s why i forget
and why you come so graciously
showing me another self portrait. and your honesty.

but let’s stay honest.
this was never about explaining things.

want art to make you feel hotter, weirder, and deeper?