you are the system you've always been seeking

an invitation

make love make art be hot… no further instructions.

i used to fight the fuck out of my own system.

told myself i had to operate in such and such a way in order to be good and right and worthy and all that bullshit

outsourced my power to every person, place, or thing imaginable because somewhere deep within my subconscious i held the belief that it was dangerous to wield my own power. that i’d do it wrong. hurt someone. be embarrassed. you know… the whole slew of things that make it damn near impossible to actually own who the fuck you are.

when i write stuff like this i always want to put a BIG DISCLAIMER at the beginning that goes like: please don’t leave a comment if it’s gonna be some you poor thing kinda vibe. that’s not the point of this. the only reason i’m able to write this is because i don’t believe woe is me. i don’t feel ashamed of where i was. i feel proud of where i am now and i am in full trust that the universe i’ve created is always delivering me the correct experiences according to what i’ve asked for.

so i started asking for a different reality. believing in a different reality.

you ever think about how this experience is a holograph and nothing is actually real, like in the way it seems?

kinda fucking wild isn’t it?

back to this idea about trying to force myself to operate in a way that was not nor could ever be the way MY energy operates.

i hired so many people to try to get them to tell me about my own operating system but none of them have my operating system so how could they have possibly known?

the only thing that’s ever really helped me navigate reality better through this vessel is human design. and the reason that worked for me is because all it really did was tell me to pay attention to my own experience and pause before impulsively committing to things especially when i’m emotionally wound up, which i think is generally great advice no matter who you are.

earlier i recorded this audio note about YOU BEING THE SYSTEM YOU’VE ALWAYS BEEN SEEKING.

the news related to that is that I STARTED A NEW THING called creatress.

it’s the new centre for access to the paid art + writing + practices here.

i’d been struggling with how to just start this membership i’ve been dreaming up for years and i realized… all i have to do is just start. i don’t need a blank slate or a perfect platform or a fresh new website or anything… just to find its place in the universe i’ve been consistently creating (this one) for two(!) years.

i’m sharing this give a peer behind my creative process because sometimes there is an option available you just hadn’t considered (like just starting) and i bet a bunch of you have probably created spaces you love but had no clear direction when you began and you’ve been wondering how in the fuck am i going to shape this into what i want it to be. and i don’t necessarily have the answers but then again, maybe you’ll find them somewhere within these words.

that’s really why i share anything i share. maybe you’ll find the awareness you’ve been wanting to awaken within my words somewhere, maybe it’s just a feeling you get. maybe it’s a piece of permission you didn’t know you needed. maybe it’s a fuck you need to throw out the window.

i have grown so far out of trying to construct myself to be a way i think i should be (thanks to doing that for several decades) and i wish i’d had someone to model this behavior for me. of just being casual about who i am. just enjoying who i am and sharing that when i’m inspired to, how i’m inspired to.

so anyway. if you’re into that kind of thing. and by that kind of things i mean creating your own reality and inhabiting it boldly and with the trust that it is all going to work out for you because you have always been the one creating whatever reality you inhabit… maybe join us within creatress. there are already a couple lovely creatresses inside and we’d be thrilled to have you electrify the coven.

p.s. currently paid subscriptions which include access to creatress are only $7/month. that price will be rising till the end of the year as more value is added to my paid offerings. so if you’re on the fencenow is a good time to get off it.