Alight with desire, heavy with iron

On the artistry of strength

I twist myself into curious shapes and
write poetry and lift heavy things
and, is that weird?
You tell me.
Actually, don’t. You see, I don’t give a damn. 
I used to, though.
I used to think you, whoever you are, 
knew better than me, whoever I am.
Isn’t that funny?
You tell me. 
Actually, don’t. I laugh at my own jokes. 
In the pursuit of something as seriously silly as 
carefully stacking pounds of round iron on a bar
(that’s probably laughing at me)
to pick up and put down and play with —
to challenge these 
(seemingly) inanimate objects —
on purpose,
a well developed sense of humor
is of utmost importance.
Otherwise? Tragedy is the taste of
this dance with gravity,
the only unavoidable dogma.
Unless you’re doing handstands after deadlifts,
in which case you turn into a feather and
everyone at the gym wonders what you’re so happy about
as they grimace,
awaiting the conclusion of 
self inflicted torture sessions,
while I’m wondering if this joy ride
ever has to end.

•••

Great experiences involve a little fear. 

Maybe you relate to the feeling that parts of you are in conflict — parts that, were they to marry, would offer a novel perspective. And maybe you relate to the feeling of that being quite fucking scary. And quite fucking enlivening. 

How fun would that be?! What will they think? I WANT TO DO THIS! What if I’m too *different*? There is so much to learn here. What if it doesn’t make sense? This could be life-changing. What I’m rejected? I feel it in my bones. What if I can’t connect? I want to connect.

It’s all about connection, isn’t it? 

“Worst case” scenarios seem catastrophic when we wage war between desire and fear, which are ever so conveniently paired at the hip. Or are they two sides of the same coin? Which side would you pick? Do you have to pick? Can you?

That is, can you pick one to the other’s exclusion? Experience says… well, of course not. 

No matter how powerful fear seems… you are who you are. You want what you want. You love what you love. You do what you do. Whether you do, or do not, is determined by the internal power balance. Fear and desire, eternal dance partners. Which holds greater weight in your heart, your body? Are you going to let an imagined future stop you from experiencing the fullness of all you are now?

It depends. Sometimes, yes - in the beginning it is difficult to see through fear. But then, if you want, and keep wanting, experience sets into the body. You learn. You grow. You see more clearly. Love overtakes fear of the novel perspective. The heart thrums. Star cross’d lovers marry despite [immovable] obstacles. 

The inner marriage. Perhaps, rather than sequester the dancer from the lifter - the lover from the teacher - the poet from the chef - we simply need to balance the recipe. The poet’s perception — her fixation on sensation and keen observation — helps soften the weight of a heavy bar. She hears the voices that sometimes say, “why, you can’t do that, not you.” and continues strong in the flow of things as the dancer attunes the body’s rhythm and the lifter holds a tone of quiet, focused determination, drumming power through every atom.  

This, I think, I know (and I don’t know a lot), is strength. Willingness to feel, to love, to open. To expand and contract and continue. To create art. To participate in the symphony of things. To work with these forces, multitudinous. To become an expression of all that we are, to the best of our ability. 

Thank you for reading Body of Work. I am grateful for your time, your attention, your energy. Your financial support helps me continue to produce the highest quality work I can. I believe we, as a culture, need this - physical education - more than ever. If you’d like to support my humble mission of making the world a better place through movement and strength, you can become a paid subscriber here, or buy me a coffee.

P.S. As a paid subscriber, you’ll be able to participate in the recurring Know Yourself Through Movement series. Our first round focuses on fundamentals of movement and begins Saturday, August 10th.

You’ll learn:

• the simple skills you need to build a solid foundation of strength so you can move safely, confidently, and freely

• tools that will help you experience autonomy and self-connection through your movement practice

• the benefits of training in connection with your values and desires

• how you can use simple skills to build a profound, playful, creative, embodied personal movement practice