I love the honesty and the complexity of this. This paragraph really stood out to me:
“The thing about me is, I want the love story, you know, the one with prince charming and happily ever after. I also want to be alone. Often. I want to be fucked like a slut and cradled like the tenderest new bud. I want to be a good girl. The best. Perfect. And I want to bring you to your knees in terror. I want to be human, and I want to be the goddess so bright you can’t gaze upon her with mortal eyes. I want to be all of it. I want to be known in all of it.”
Naked and unashamed is vulnerable but it's this vulnerability that opens us up to the Oneness of existence becoming existence itself and not just a separate poor little in a bag of skin. Good and evil is only in our minds eye and as long as nature and existence is concerned there's nothing like good or evil; the virgin and the prostitute, the priest and the thief, the darkness and the light all is the divine playing a game of hide-and-seek with itself for an eternity.
thanks for your comment, my friend. I have always loved the image of the divine playing hide and seek with itself. I like to acknowledge that and give myself a little wink in the mirror every so often.
Each generation of women throws off another layer of shackles which have been laid on them for thousands of years. Shackles made of shame and duty, honor and guilt and who knows what all gets put on the pile. That's what I read here, Faye, though I may well be wrong.
Now that pure power and physical strength no longer dictate what a woman does with her life, she can change a lot of the directions of how she lives her life.
I understand what you are saying but from a second hand because I don’t think men are shackled in that way, we have our own but I think they pale in comparison.
There seems often to be the inverse sort of thing for men - praise for promiscuity etc... I'm certainly not the first person to say that, and I think slowly the tides are shifting. All that being said, I'm a deeply monogamous woman - I don't think I would've learned what I wanted, really, except by experiencing its opposite.
It’s a bit like a religious belief that never is tested and a person might wonder at its strength or validity.
For most men, all in general terms here, the shackles are of not showing emotional pain or emotion much at all. The imperative to work, perform under any circumstance, provide and not falter or break down. Never show fear, always have a plan and follow it through even in the worst circumstances. I think that roughly sums up the shape of the shackles from the male Boomer generation.
Yes, that thing about religious beliefs - I think a lot of people hold their beliefs "religiously" without realizing because that's just the way we're taught - believe what mom/dad/the teacher/etc tells you. Don't question it! Or else!
There is so much to learn about the roles we play in relationships and how the shackles can prevent us from being the most loving and supportive partners. I often think about what you said about you and Lori switching roles to support each other through your time together. I think that's the way it should be.
Yeah, we all falter and what a great comfort it is to be carried and believed in even when you are basically a collapsed, useless heap. Now that is love and when any young couple asks me, that is what I tell them. I say, "this fresh beautiful spouse you have here will one day collapse and you gotta be ready to step in and carry them and NOT chastise them for failing. I believe it is in those crucible times that marriages are really made or broken.
yes, anyone can ride along when things are good and bright and exciting... it's far different when crisis inevitably arrives. I hope you've been able to give this wisdom to lots of young couples. I shall do my best to pass it on too.
Thank you for reading Wes, I really appreciate you being here. And you did read it right. I was doing away with the shackles. And I think more important for me is knowing I did what I did - and it doesn't dictate what I may do, or my worth as a woman.
I did feel immense amounts of shame and guilt and "loyalty" with my ex fiance - and I think a lot of that played into my next moves. I was unwilling to abide by any rule - I had to destroy my own cage/system.
I definitely resonate with enjoying being the whore, adoring touch and physical connection in a way that feels out of this world. There is nothing wrong with the fact that some of us find ecstasy in sex (although i found my escape through other ways). But the world is really messed up in terms of how they see sex. Men like this one are marrying good girls with the perfect face and lifestyle, who cannot enjoy sex and physicality. And so these men who are not doing their own soul work to be able to hold space for a wild woman have to turn towards promiscuity to fill up their needs. while their wives with dry vaginas and empty souls are content with living lifeless lives. In the end, she is as responsible for what happens behind her back as he is for staying in such a sick marriage contract and not wanting to change. You were just caught in the middle, between them, minding your own business, loving being a whore.
i didnt want to make it sound like she was caught in a bad way. English is not my primary language and it maybe sounded like i did but in fact i was showing her position had nothing to do with their marriage conflict. I hope it makes sense.
oh i see. I am psychic and worked with many clients for years offering counseling. I have the ability to read the energy between the lines. I was never wrong.
I definitely want to read more of this, Faye. There are a lot of things you say here that are intriguing, but it's your consistent shredding of shame I find remarkable.
I know shame is a powerful presence all around me, which is why I find your frontal attack on it immensely compelling.
Thank you for reading Jeremy. It really means among to me. Shame is a powerful presence - and I didn’t realize how thoroughly I’d released it from myself / myself from it until I wrote this and remained fully engaged with the process.
There are many stories like this. I tried to write them years ago but never got through - unbeknownst to me, the shame bubbled over and obscured them. It is a great relief to be able to share this and know I am still a lovable, worthy woman.
I admire your honesty and how brave it is. More and more, I see how Puritanical our North American culture is, and how it stifles our voices.
When I read you, I feel a thrill of recognition in what you say. This post especially. I remember how often shame kept me from embodying what I truly wanted and felt in my relationships and aspirations. And as a writer, I'm aware of how it also works as my internal editor.
I would say it's therapeutic reading you, but I'd rather say it's stimulating in the best possible sense. And, to use an overused word, liberating.
this is very touching to receive Jeremy - offering liberating perspectives is exactly my intention, and i'm so glad my writing has been that for you. thank you so very much for being here and sharing your reflections.
You are no different, than the mother of my beautiful daughter, these thoughts are somewhat rare, but your eloquent description is probably relevant to many women, in similar demographics, the hightened want and needs are palpable to many, the lust is life and its colour is red. The blood that courses through those veins in pain immemorial is the very breath you still breathe, which in return. Gives you your lust for llife, ever seeking and curious. Formidable and wanton, peaceful fury, unleashed, ALIVE,
You are a wonderful, gracious soul. thank you for the poetry you bless me and all of us who are so fortunate to read with. The lust is life and its colour is red… I’ll paste that straight into my notebook.
I love the honesty and the complexity of this. This paragraph really stood out to me:
“The thing about me is, I want the love story, you know, the one with prince charming and happily ever after. I also want to be alone. Often. I want to be fucked like a slut and cradled like the tenderest new bud. I want to be a good girl. The best. Perfect. And I want to bring you to your knees in terror. I want to be human, and I want to be the goddess so bright you can’t gaze upon her with mortal eyes. I want to be all of it. I want to be known in all of it.”
Wow!
Thank you for seeing me in this vulnerable place, jennae. I feel so much gratitude for your loving heart and eyes.
Naked and unashamed is vulnerable but it's this vulnerability that opens us up to the Oneness of existence becoming existence itself and not just a separate poor little in a bag of skin. Good and evil is only in our minds eye and as long as nature and existence is concerned there's nothing like good or evil; the virgin and the prostitute, the priest and the thief, the darkness and the light all is the divine playing a game of hide-and-seek with itself for an eternity.
thanks for your comment, my friend. I have always loved the image of the divine playing hide and seek with itself. I like to acknowledge that and give myself a little wink in the mirror every so often.
Anytime, the wink part in the mirror is quite something 😁
Each generation of women throws off another layer of shackles which have been laid on them for thousands of years. Shackles made of shame and duty, honor and guilt and who knows what all gets put on the pile. That's what I read here, Faye, though I may well be wrong.
Now that pure power and physical strength no longer dictate what a woman does with her life, she can change a lot of the directions of how she lives her life.
I understand what you are saying but from a second hand because I don’t think men are shackled in that way, we have our own but I think they pale in comparison.
There seems often to be the inverse sort of thing for men - praise for promiscuity etc... I'm certainly not the first person to say that, and I think slowly the tides are shifting. All that being said, I'm a deeply monogamous woman - I don't think I would've learned what I wanted, really, except by experiencing its opposite.
It’s a bit like a religious belief that never is tested and a person might wonder at its strength or validity.
For most men, all in general terms here, the shackles are of not showing emotional pain or emotion much at all. The imperative to work, perform under any circumstance, provide and not falter or break down. Never show fear, always have a plan and follow it through even in the worst circumstances. I think that roughly sums up the shape of the shackles from the male Boomer generation.
Yes, that thing about religious beliefs - I think a lot of people hold their beliefs "religiously" without realizing because that's just the way we're taught - believe what mom/dad/the teacher/etc tells you. Don't question it! Or else!
There is so much to learn about the roles we play in relationships and how the shackles can prevent us from being the most loving and supportive partners. I often think about what you said about you and Lori switching roles to support each other through your time together. I think that's the way it should be.
Yeah, we all falter and what a great comfort it is to be carried and believed in even when you are basically a collapsed, useless heap. Now that is love and when any young couple asks me, that is what I tell them. I say, "this fresh beautiful spouse you have here will one day collapse and you gotta be ready to step in and carry them and NOT chastise them for failing. I believe it is in those crucible times that marriages are really made or broken.
yes, anyone can ride along when things are good and bright and exciting... it's far different when crisis inevitably arrives. I hope you've been able to give this wisdom to lots of young couples. I shall do my best to pass it on too.
Thank you for reading Wes, I really appreciate you being here. And you did read it right. I was doing away with the shackles. And I think more important for me is knowing I did what I did - and it doesn't dictate what I may do, or my worth as a woman.
I did feel immense amounts of shame and guilt and "loyalty" with my ex fiance - and I think a lot of that played into my next moves. I was unwilling to abide by any rule - I had to destroy my own cage/system.
I was gripped from beginning to end.
thank you so much for telling me Holly. i don't think anyone's ever called my writing "gripping" before and i have to say, i love it.
Demanding and messy!! I wouldn’t have you any other way!!
thank you my love! nor i, you ❤️🔥🗡️🍯
I think we all want to be touched. That's just a part of being human.
Thank you for saying so Joseph. I agree. Sometimes that wanting takes odd shapes. There's always something to learn from it
I definitely resonate with enjoying being the whore, adoring touch and physical connection in a way that feels out of this world. There is nothing wrong with the fact that some of us find ecstasy in sex (although i found my escape through other ways). But the world is really messed up in terms of how they see sex. Men like this one are marrying good girls with the perfect face and lifestyle, who cannot enjoy sex and physicality. And so these men who are not doing their own soul work to be able to hold space for a wild woman have to turn towards promiscuity to fill up their needs. while their wives with dry vaginas and empty souls are content with living lifeless lives. In the end, she is as responsible for what happens behind her back as he is for staying in such a sick marriage contract and not wanting to change. You were just caught in the middle, between them, minding your own business, loving being a whore.
Let's not reduce the author by stealing her agency. She chose to be in the middle, to play the role she did. She wasn't caught in anything.
i didnt want to make it sound like she was caught in a bad way. English is not my primary language and it maybe sounded like i did but in fact i was showing her position had nothing to do with their marriage conflict. I hope it makes sense.
How do we have any idea what his marriage is like?
oh i see. I am psychic and worked with many clients for years offering counseling. I have the ability to read the energy between the lines. I was never wrong.
And you believe the author's involvement with this man had nothing to do with their marriage conflict?
I definitely want to read more of this, Faye. There are a lot of things you say here that are intriguing, but it's your consistent shredding of shame I find remarkable.
I know shame is a powerful presence all around me, which is why I find your frontal attack on it immensely compelling.
Thank you for reading Jeremy. It really means among to me. Shame is a powerful presence - and I didn’t realize how thoroughly I’d released it from myself / myself from it until I wrote this and remained fully engaged with the process.
There are many stories like this. I tried to write them years ago but never got through - unbeknownst to me, the shame bubbled over and obscured them. It is a great relief to be able to share this and know I am still a lovable, worthy woman.
I admire your honesty and how brave it is. More and more, I see how Puritanical our North American culture is, and how it stifles our voices.
When I read you, I feel a thrill of recognition in what you say. This post especially. I remember how often shame kept me from embodying what I truly wanted and felt in my relationships and aspirations. And as a writer, I'm aware of how it also works as my internal editor.
I would say it's therapeutic reading you, but I'd rather say it's stimulating in the best possible sense. And, to use an overused word, liberating.
this is very touching to receive Jeremy - offering liberating perspectives is exactly my intention, and i'm so glad my writing has been that for you. thank you so very much for being here and sharing your reflections.
You're very welcome. I'm grateful to you.🙏
You are no different, than the mother of my beautiful daughter, these thoughts are somewhat rare, but your eloquent description is probably relevant to many women, in similar demographics, the hightened want and needs are palpable to many, the lust is life and its colour is red. The blood that courses through those veins in pain immemorial is the very breath you still breathe, which in return. Gives you your lust for llife, ever seeking and curious. Formidable and wanton, peaceful fury, unleashed, ALIVE,
You are a wonderful, gracious soul. thank you for the poetry you bless me and all of us who are so fortunate to read with. The lust is life and its colour is red… I’ll paste that straight into my notebook.