I hear you loud and clear, Faye. I'm glad you discovered over time, with a worthy partner, who you really are and what you really want. Expectations suck.
And as soon as I read the word "oxygen," I knew I should share this poem:
Fuuuuuuuuuuuu-uck! that poem is perfect. Spirals and devouring and 100 lives. Recently I wrote about being 1000 different women. Damn. Thank you for sharing this, Mike. And thank you for your comment. Expectations do, indeed, suck the life out of us.
You are so very welcome. Always happy to share Rachel Kann's work in a moment when it's impactful. She's my favorite poet, and without her influence and support, I wouldn't be writing right now. She has a huge range of styles and themes, including poems along the lines of this one that celebrate the divine communion of sex, which is so needed in this society that tells women they aren't allowed to be forward about their sexuality, indeed tells all people that sex is somehow inherently shameful.
It is a wild thing to recognize those structures of shame built into our society, and what a gift to the world to reveal her connection so freely. I will have to dig deeper into her work. And Mike, I deeply appreciate your voice here. Thank you
I am oh so familiar with that desire to share - sometimes I call myself a flood. This was the perfect piece to accompany a day full of dancing and attempting to write the lessons. Sometimes things really are easier done than said. Often. Perhaps even most of the time. Thank you again :)
Oh I can feel the power and the fire in every word… I too was always told I was ‘too much… too ‘boy crazy’ at school and yet I also felt never enough as a teenager and younger woman. Now as a Mother I’m in a new phase around sexuality and that’s hard to confront as well. Every phase of my life has been a mirror to different layers… if I hadn’t reclaimed my sexual energy I would never have become a Mother and it took a lot of courage to do that. Thank you for sharing this piece… it’s definitely reflective and a beautiful way to honour feminine essence. Xx
Thank you for your reflection Lauren. It is so wonderful to hear the stories of other women's sexual reclamations. What a wild tug of war that is between too much and not enough, and how magick to realize we can step outside the pull of it. I can hardly imagine the shift of sexual energy in the portal to becoming mother, but I do know that with every shift there is a challenge, a growing pain. But that the pain of letting go of the old is always, eventually, enriching and life-giving. x Faye
Well how to give my answer with out writting a book...no pun intended..I am a creature of extremes..either abstinence or reckless intentional sexual encounters..I had exhausted all avenues and truthfully it was equally self harm and trauma related. Seems the more you give the more you are pushed down and rejected..and if you hold back..sigh...not too much different.until 30 years ago I met my soul mate best friend turned husband ..by the time he was in my life I had given up on men..and was DONE..so he was not welcomed into the world of possible relationships or even 1 night stands..he came as a trusted friend and he was so impossibly non judgemental and after I told him everything about my behaviors...( he was so nice I was trying to make him move onto more acceptable possibilitis...he didn't need me in all my mess and baggage)...I cringe even now for at times I was disbelieving of my own sad story..but for the first time in my adult life I put his needs above my own and tried to set him free..it would have been so easy to take advantage of his kind and stable ways..but I was not going to participate in that game ...not anymore...and I said after all that crap..well now what do you think of me...he did not miss a beat and replied.."well if I had been born a woman...I'd have been 10 x worse and not sorry..we laughed and have revised that running joke and it's making me smile to share it..Marie was his mother's name and she passed away long before my arrival and it is not easy to admit this...but I told my gfs that the best thing about our relationship and plans to Wed that no mother in law would be in the fray. (My ex mother hated me and until her death reaked havoc on my life). Bless her heart...uhm..so it was a sobering realization when just months living together I came to know her Marie through the words legacy and personal objects at my disposal..ie..stove dishes and brilliant practical house hacks that were invaluable to me. I believe that she raised the perfect man for me with no ego or disillusionment of women's value and rights to same opportunities and respect..thru love and humor and quiet resolve and fortitude she lived a life of simple and non negotiating boundaries with kindness and stoic silences that gained her the highest praises to a long list of people she met and she is the epitome of what I want to become..I remeber wishing I could have met her and thanked her somehow...and one day while I pondered the real presence of her spirit while using her things..it was a aha moment to realize that she lived a life of endless ripples of goodness before she passed and even more so since..her essence lived on inside her impossibly perfect son who was my rock..my muse..my great irritation at times..but never enemy..never cruel or self serving...he earned my respect and trust me..I was so looking for red fags..the best way to extend my appreciation and thank Marie..was to give her son the best possible version of myself and be his rock...his muse..his pain in the ass..it further bonded us together and both my daughters named their daughters after Marie..their step Dads mother they never knew but loved my husband so much they wanted to honor her. Marie I applaud you and can say..thank you for being the woman you were and are and will be in my heat mind and soul..my life was changed in so many ways that continue to resonate and have made this world a better place.. let me reflect your legacy in mine as your loving daughter in spirit!
What a beautiful story, coming to know a person's heart and spirit through found objects, and through the love of another ❤️ Thank you so much for sharing it here, and for continuing to spread Marie's endless ripples of goodness through your being.
P.S. This sounds like a great topic for an essay for your substack.
Faye, you are an endless blast of fresh air (and steamy air too). I would guess that you have read "On The Road" by Jack Kerouac? But if not, the energy in that book might match yours.
Well, that comment just made my day, Wes. Thank you. Ya know, the last time I read On The Road, I was 15. 18 years will probably give it a whole new meaning...
Oh my!!! I LOVE THIS!!!!!!! Truly. The incredible balance that we are expected to walk — except we don’t have to. We can be everything and anything all it once. It’s possible.
Thank you for the encouragement! I’m writing tomorrows post and feeling 🥴
Yes!!!! We can be whoever we are, and more, and more of that! What a revelation. Feeling 🥴?! what is happening? I have been eagerly awaiting your next story, and have been reading through some of your older posts as well. We have more similarities that I realized.
Wow, I needed this. Thank you Faye for speaking to all of this so powerfully. Yes we as women need to reclaim our sexuality alongside our voices, our creativity and our fullness. Here’s to taking up space with our own needs. Thank you for your words and your powerful, inspiring expression of the feminine xx
I hear you loud and clear, Faye. I'm glad you discovered over time, with a worthy partner, who you really are and what you really want. Expectations suck.
And as soon as I read the word "oxygen," I knew I should share this poem:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3EVvnJA3GU
Fuuuuuuuuuuuu-uck! that poem is perfect. Spirals and devouring and 100 lives. Recently I wrote about being 1000 different women. Damn. Thank you for sharing this, Mike. And thank you for your comment. Expectations do, indeed, suck the life out of us.
You are so very welcome. Always happy to share Rachel Kann's work in a moment when it's impactful. She's my favorite poet, and without her influence and support, I wouldn't be writing right now. She has a huge range of styles and themes, including poems along the lines of this one that celebrate the divine communion of sex, which is so needed in this society that tells women they aren't allowed to be forward about their sexuality, indeed tells all people that sex is somehow inherently shameful.
It is a wild thing to recognize those structures of shame built into our society, and what a gift to the world to reveal her connection so freely. I will have to dig deeper into her work. And Mike, I deeply appreciate your voice here. Thank you
I think Rachel would really dig what you’re doing as well. She’s been a dancer most of her life.
Along those lines I’ll share one more that’s about 20 years newer than “100 Lives”: https://youtu.be/LhNaLCn7b1Q?si=nB3-Z6M01odAaTJe
No rush. Sometimes I get excited sharing a lot of the art that I love. :)
She’s also here in Substack (though she is pretty busy with research in Morocco right now): rachelkann.substack.com
I am oh so familiar with that desire to share - sometimes I call myself a flood. This was the perfect piece to accompany a day full of dancing and attempting to write the lessons. Sometimes things really are easier done than said. Often. Perhaps even most of the time. Thank you again :)
Oh I can feel the power and the fire in every word… I too was always told I was ‘too much… too ‘boy crazy’ at school and yet I also felt never enough as a teenager and younger woman. Now as a Mother I’m in a new phase around sexuality and that’s hard to confront as well. Every phase of my life has been a mirror to different layers… if I hadn’t reclaimed my sexual energy I would never have become a Mother and it took a lot of courage to do that. Thank you for sharing this piece… it’s definitely reflective and a beautiful way to honour feminine essence. Xx
Thank you for your reflection Lauren. It is so wonderful to hear the stories of other women's sexual reclamations. What a wild tug of war that is between too much and not enough, and how magick to realize we can step outside the pull of it. I can hardly imagine the shift of sexual energy in the portal to becoming mother, but I do know that with every shift there is a challenge, a growing pain. But that the pain of letting go of the old is always, eventually, enriching and life-giving. x Faye
Well how to give my answer with out writting a book...no pun intended..I am a creature of extremes..either abstinence or reckless intentional sexual encounters..I had exhausted all avenues and truthfully it was equally self harm and trauma related. Seems the more you give the more you are pushed down and rejected..and if you hold back..sigh...not too much different.until 30 years ago I met my soul mate best friend turned husband ..by the time he was in my life I had given up on men..and was DONE..so he was not welcomed into the world of possible relationships or even 1 night stands..he came as a trusted friend and he was so impossibly non judgemental and after I told him everything about my behaviors...( he was so nice I was trying to make him move onto more acceptable possibilitis...he didn't need me in all my mess and baggage)...I cringe even now for at times I was disbelieving of my own sad story..but for the first time in my adult life I put his needs above my own and tried to set him free..it would have been so easy to take advantage of his kind and stable ways..but I was not going to participate in that game ...not anymore...and I said after all that crap..well now what do you think of me...he did not miss a beat and replied.."well if I had been born a woman...I'd have been 10 x worse and not sorry..we laughed and have revised that running joke and it's making me smile to share it..Marie was his mother's name and she passed away long before my arrival and it is not easy to admit this...but I told my gfs that the best thing about our relationship and plans to Wed that no mother in law would be in the fray. (My ex mother hated me and until her death reaked havoc on my life). Bless her heart...uhm..so it was a sobering realization when just months living together I came to know her Marie through the words legacy and personal objects at my disposal..ie..stove dishes and brilliant practical house hacks that were invaluable to me. I believe that she raised the perfect man for me with no ego or disillusionment of women's value and rights to same opportunities and respect..thru love and humor and quiet resolve and fortitude she lived a life of simple and non negotiating boundaries with kindness and stoic silences that gained her the highest praises to a long list of people she met and she is the epitome of what I want to become..I remeber wishing I could have met her and thanked her somehow...and one day while I pondered the real presence of her spirit while using her things..it was a aha moment to realize that she lived a life of endless ripples of goodness before she passed and even more so since..her essence lived on inside her impossibly perfect son who was my rock..my muse..my great irritation at times..but never enemy..never cruel or self serving...he earned my respect and trust me..I was so looking for red fags..the best way to extend my appreciation and thank Marie..was to give her son the best possible version of myself and be his rock...his muse..his pain in the ass..it further bonded us together and both my daughters named their daughters after Marie..their step Dads mother they never knew but loved my husband so much they wanted to honor her. Marie I applaud you and can say..thank you for being the woman you were and are and will be in my heat mind and soul..my life was changed in so many ways that continue to resonate and have made this world a better place.. let me reflect your legacy in mine as your loving daughter in spirit!
What a beautiful story, coming to know a person's heart and spirit through found objects, and through the love of another ❤️ Thank you so much for sharing it here, and for continuing to spread Marie's endless ripples of goodness through your being.
P.S. This sounds like a great topic for an essay for your substack.
I was thinking the same! Thank you!
Faye, you are an endless blast of fresh air (and steamy air too). I would guess that you have read "On The Road" by Jack Kerouac? But if not, the energy in that book might match yours.
Well, that comment just made my day, Wes. Thank you. Ya know, the last time I read On The Road, I was 15. 18 years will probably give it a whole new meaning...
Well good, you’ve read it so you know the energy I’m talking about.
I have a sense, but the refresher sure does sound nice. Especially since I am on the brink of some moves of my own
When you finally get a partner who is 100% behind you, things can start to lift off.
And 100% worth the wait. The hardest part is believing it's true. I have to pinch myself sometimes.
Oh my!!! I LOVE THIS!!!!!!! Truly. The incredible balance that we are expected to walk — except we don’t have to. We can be everything and anything all it once. It’s possible.
Thank you for the encouragement! I’m writing tomorrows post and feeling 🥴
Yes!!!! We can be whoever we are, and more, and more of that! What a revelation. Feeling 🥴?! what is happening? I have been eagerly awaiting your next story, and have been reading through some of your older posts as well. We have more similarities that I realized.
You give me the confidence to hit send! Tomorrow anyway!
I'm just a mirror🪞seeing you for your wisdom and beauty
🥰🥰🥰
Wow, I needed this. Thank you Faye for speaking to all of this so powerfully. Yes we as women need to reclaim our sexuality alongside our voices, our creativity and our fullness. Here’s to taking up space with our own needs. Thank you for your words and your powerful, inspiring expression of the feminine xx